Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
