i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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