I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
