Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
