the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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