i just google imaged poop.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
