so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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