I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
