i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
