I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
