I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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