yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
