I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
