I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
