Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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