chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
