In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Alive.
So much puke
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
