Plan B is the new Plan A
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
