Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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