I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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