I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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