I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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