so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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