I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
