you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
