Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
