i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i dont even know how to be here
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
