I wish I could punch you in the face.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
