Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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