they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
