if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
