im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
There r osticjed everywhere
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
