Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
