ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
A+ Viking dick
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
