And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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