1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
