yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
