Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
