but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
