Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
