it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I would fuck him just for his dog
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
