Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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