You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
