He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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