My cat gives me a boner
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
