if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
