would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
