I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
