Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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