omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
