mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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