some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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