I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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