bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
