the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
