Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
