I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
