My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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