my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Thank you for not boning my boss.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
