yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize