you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
