I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
