put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
