Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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