Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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