before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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