I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
