one word: firstdatebathroomanal
we made out on top of his cat.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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