I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
